I'm not the best (or even a good) example of "rolling with it." Unfortunately, I don't let things slide off my back too easily, and I tend to hold a grudge. Admitting it is half the battle, right? So what is the best way to handle someone who festers in your life? It's not an easy fix and it's hard to implement.
Luke tells us that Jesus said to his newly tapped twelve apostles, "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." (Luke 6:37) Honestly, it is hard to repeatedly forgive, respect and love when you don't feel loved and respected in return. Yet, I continue to pray that He will give me the strength to let go of the hurt, and be able to forgive, respect, and love the person I am inextricably tied to. May she be blessed with a renewed spirit and sense of what is right. May her heart be full of love and empty of jealousy, anger, and darkness.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
"but i thought we were girlfriends ..."
It's the struggle every mother and daughter face: defining the relationship.
As a daughter (since I played that role before I became a mother), I have considered my mom many things: my foe, my confidant, my biggest cheerleader, my safety net, my road block, the thorn in my side, and eventually, my best friend.
My mom made sure I had a new pair of Keds on the first day of school, pink Umbro's when it was time to try out for the volleyball team, and the first piccolo in my eighth grade class. She wouldn't buy me a discman until everyone else in my class had one, and I couldn't have my first pair of cowboy boots until she had a pair. She and my dad saved up enough money to send me to Spain for 10 days when I was 16.
My mom rarely got the credit she was due because I was too busy waiting for the next hand-out and badgering her over all the things she wouldn't do for me. I was a typical strong-willed teenage girl who wanted to forge her own way in the world, doing it her own way. My mom was not my girlfriend until I was about 19 years old.
Now a mom myself, I see the heartbreak that comes with wanting to be a friend to your child but realizing the mom role comes first. Perhaps some mothers are better at this than I, but when my daughter feels me kicking into "girlfriend mode," she wants to take that inch of fun and run a mile with it. Unfortunately, that usually leads to her being stopped in her tracks, at which point she turns on her heels and says, "Hey! I thought we were girlfriends!" Need an example? Okay, picture this ...
My girl is seven. She's my oldest and so I'm obviously learning as I go. It'd be a dream to have a well-behaved child that didn't bounce off the walls and need constant reminding to pick up after herself, turn the TV off and do her homework, and quit talking so much. That child could maybe have a friend for a mom; my child can't. She needs almost constant steering. She's very bright, very artistic, and really wants to influence the world with her creativity. She's a lot like me. Her energy needs to be lassoed and corralled into the proper channels. Therefore I have no choice but to be her mom first and her friend later.
I know from my own experience that I'll be many things to my daughter before I ever have the priviledge of being her girlfriend. On that day, I will know that I have successfully raised my child and she can forge her own way in her own way. On that day, I will truly be blessed.
As a daughter (since I played that role before I became a mother), I have considered my mom many things: my foe, my confidant, my biggest cheerleader, my safety net, my road block, the thorn in my side, and eventually, my best friend.
My mom made sure I had a new pair of Keds on the first day of school, pink Umbro's when it was time to try out for the volleyball team, and the first piccolo in my eighth grade class. She wouldn't buy me a discman until everyone else in my class had one, and I couldn't have my first pair of cowboy boots until she had a pair. She and my dad saved up enough money to send me to Spain for 10 days when I was 16.
My mom rarely got the credit she was due because I was too busy waiting for the next hand-out and badgering her over all the things she wouldn't do for me. I was a typical strong-willed teenage girl who wanted to forge her own way in the world, doing it her own way. My mom was not my girlfriend until I was about 19 years old.
Now a mom myself, I see the heartbreak that comes with wanting to be a friend to your child but realizing the mom role comes first. Perhaps some mothers are better at this than I, but when my daughter feels me kicking into "girlfriend mode," she wants to take that inch of fun and run a mile with it. Unfortunately, that usually leads to her being stopped in her tracks, at which point she turns on her heels and says, "Hey! I thought we were girlfriends!" Need an example? Okay, picture this ...
A mom and daughter are dancing and singing in the kitchen while cooking dinner. They're really belting it out and going crazy. The daughter thinks, "Wow, mom's really cool. I'll bet I can get a popsicle out of her while she's in a good mood." So she goes for it. Mom looks at her like she's just gotten her nose pierced and says, "I don't think so. Don't you see that I'm cooking dinner?" The daughter pouts her lip and throws her fists on her hips, spitting, "But I thought we were girlfriends!"
My daughter sees my relaxed, fun-loving goofiness as an opportunity to get something she normally would not consider asking for. Wrong move, sister. I might be having fun, but I'm not out of my mind. Those days are gone! ;o)
My girl is seven. She's my oldest and so I'm obviously learning as I go. It'd be a dream to have a well-behaved child that didn't bounce off the walls and need constant reminding to pick up after herself, turn the TV off and do her homework, and quit talking so much. That child could maybe have a friend for a mom; my child can't. She needs almost constant steering. She's very bright, very artistic, and really wants to influence the world with her creativity. She's a lot like me. Her energy needs to be lassoed and corralled into the proper channels. Therefore I have no choice but to be her mom first and her friend later.I know from my own experience that I'll be many things to my daughter before I ever have the priviledge of being her girlfriend. On that day, I will know that I have successfully raised my child and she can forge her own way in her own way. On that day, I will truly be blessed.
"... what I want is not your possessions but you. After all, children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children. So I will very gladly spend for you everything I have and expend myself as well. If I love you more, will you love me less?" - 2 Corinthians 12:14-15
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' - which is the first commandmant with a promise - 'that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth.'" -Ephesians 6:1
Sunday, February 14, 2010
oh, sappy day
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." NIVLet your love shine and give it freely,
Casey
Friday, February 12, 2010
shutting out the madness
Do the thoughts in your mind fly so fast that you quickly forget what you were even thinking about? It's kind of like walking into a room and forgetting why you walked in there (which happens to me at least once a day). I have a hundred things on my mind at once, just orbiting around, focusing into thought and then back out.
I'm jealous of those who can honest to goodness meditate. How on earth do you possibly stop all stream of consciousness and clear your mind? It's impossible. For me, at least. What I wouldn't give to just stop thinking. To be able to narrow it down to one thing at a time. I guess that would make me an ape or something though, right? Lesser than an ape, even.
What I have learned to do, however, is narrow my focus. When I think about God, some of the noise lessens. If I concentrate on Him, I am rewarded with little treasures - little nuggets of precious thought, or at least thoughts that I wouldn't have otherwise given real attention to. A sweet memory, a "light bulb moment," or rational reasoning (for once). I have a couple examples.
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But that's where my story stops because my husband was late getting home and I didn't get to go paint. So here I am, utilizing my other creative outlet. Letting ... go ... of ... the ... stress ...
I'm jealous of those who can honest to goodness meditate. How on earth do you possibly stop all stream of consciousness and clear your mind? It's impossible. For me, at least. What I wouldn't give to just stop thinking. To be able to narrow it down to one thing at a time. I guess that would make me an ape or something though, right? Lesser than an ape, even.
What I have learned to do, however, is narrow my focus. When I think about God, some of the noise lessens. If I concentrate on Him, I am rewarded with little treasures - little nuggets of precious thought, or at least thoughts that I wouldn't have otherwise given real attention to. A sweet memory, a "light bulb moment," or rational reasoning (for once). I have a couple examples.
- My husband and I looked at a house in our neighborhood last week. It presented an exciting opportunity and, of course, I was a little giddy at the thought of moving out of this cracker box we call home. I was optimistic about it for a day or two, but then had a moment of enlightment. It was a moment when my mind was turned to God (see "do you ever have a song in your heart" to learn how I best connect with Him) and for a moment, all thoughts did cease and He said (not literally - duh!), "that house is too close to the sketchy activity on the corner that you worry about." A ha. Yes, Lord, so it is. The lil' thugs on the corner would have much easier access to my home and children if we lived there. I think I'll stay right where I am ... the cozy cracker box in the cul-de-sac (or "cuddle sack" as my mother-in-law says).
- Creating something relaxes me. Be it writing, painting, shooting the camera, or knitting, I can feel the stress release its hold if I'm in a creative mode. Last night I thought, "I wonder if that paint-your-own-pottery place has an annual membership or some other offer to knock off the $8/piece studio fee." Today I received an email from that SAME PAINT-YOUR-OWN POTTERY PLACE that said, "Come paint today! No studio fee from 5 til closing!" What. Do. You. Know.
...
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But that's where my story stops because my husband was late getting home and I didn't get to go paint. So here I am, utilizing my other creative outlet. Letting ... go ... of ... the ... stress ...
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