the quiet of us

Sometimes it's nice to just be together - quietly.

James and I took the kids to their Wednesday night church fun and then we skipped out. Gino's Pizza is a laid back joint where we fit in well with our jeans and sweatshirts. Tonight, dinner was less about the destination and more about the quiet.

I've written about time depravity and how it's hard to have time for anything extra in life. Today I got lucky. I worked from home. Without the commute, we were all together by 5 p.m. We knocked out homework and the kids had their dinner before church. I could not let the chance for a calm 90-minute breather with my husband pass me by.

Our conversation was sporadic. We settled into our booth, he with some freebie paper and me with my Blackberry. After we got our vices out of our system, we talked about work. First his, and how he can't find a reliable plumber. The most recent installed a water heater for my boss (of all people) and now it's leaking. Then me, with the ever-growing list of projects that will keep me leashed to my desk until May 1st. And then we ate.

I've experienced strange silences with my husband from time to time. It's odd to be two, no more often than it happens. Typical dinners include kids bickering and finicky appetites, so when that's gone, there is an unusual silence that we feel we must fill. Tonight I let that go. The mix of silence with simple, casual conversation was freeing. Nothing too deep for tired minds.

Putting this zonked noggin' to bed,

Gettin' Her Groove Back: 5/60

pondering tonight ...

What must it feel like to hold the hand of God while holding hers? Is there strife? Torn emotion for which to cling tighter to?

What must it feel like to see heaven's awesome rays while a living angel stands next to you? Do you fight for heaven on earth or the true paradise that awaits?

What must if feel like to hear harps playing your entrance song while others sing your praises in life? Which chords are you more drawn to?

What must it feel like to know you completed the race in more ways than one? Do you wish you would have stopped mid-way or are you rejoicing for the beauty you saw en route?

What must it feel like to grasp your true love knowing he's headed to the angelic life we all long for? Do you feel selfish and beg him to stay or are you thankful for the time you had and bid him farewell?

What must it feel like to wrap yourself in his shirt, breathing in his scent? Are you afraid the fragrance will be lost and breathe it in that much harder or do you preserve it forevermore?

What must it feel like to touch his pillow, his wallet with you in it, his favorite pen? Will your house become a museum dedicated to his legacy or will you box it away to help the hurt?

What must it feel like to read his name, forever archived with that fateful day? Will September 5th be blacked off your calendar for years to come or is it a day of celebration for a life well lived?

These things I ponder and pray I don't find the answers to for a very long time. Rest ever peacefully, Sean. Cling tight to God and those who love you, Jen. Praying for you and for those of us seeking understanding. May God bring about a peace and heal the open wound we're left with.

forever's as far as i'll go

I'll admit I could feel it 
The first time that we touched.
The look in your eyes
Said you felt as much 
But I'm not a man 
Who falls so easily 
It's best that you know
Where you stand with me.

I will give you my heart
Faithful and true
And all the love it can hold
That's all I can do 
But I've thought about 
How long I'll love you
And it's only fair that you know
Forever's as far as I'll go.

When there's age around my eyes 
And gray in your hair
And it only takes a touch to recall 
The love we've shared
I won't take for granted
That you know my love is true
Each night in your arms
I will whisper to you.

I will give you my heart
Faithful and true
And all the love it can hold
That's all I can do 
But I've thought about 
How long I'll love you 
And it's only fair that you know
Forever's as far as I'll go.


- Alabama, 1990


I love you, James. I'm more in love with you today than on that day. You're a blessing.

My Heart,
-Casey

obeying the fifth

It's safe to say that something said more than once must be something worth heeding.

Your mom likely told you more than once not to touch the stove burner because it was hot. Eventually, you touched the burner and realized that yes indeed, burners are hot. It didn't feel nice at all, did it?

Just as your parents only wanted the best for you, God only wants the best for you. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" (Jeremiah 29:11) He created you out of love, wants you to experience love, and wants you to give love.

When considering marriage God commanded that "no man should separate" what He has joined together. (Matthew 19:6, Mark 10:9) "No man" would include families, would it not? Families intervening in a marriage is no more permissible than a stranger intervening. In fact, God tells us numerous times that "a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:4-6, Ephesians 5:31)

Having a parent that attempts to force a wedge between a husband and wife makes it really tough to honor God's fifth commandment, "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." (Exodus 20:12) How best can this scenario be handled?

John W. Rittenbaugh notes in The Fifth Commandment, "this commandment falls on the child, but it begins with the parents through child training and example. If parents neither provide the correct example nor teach the correct way, they can hardly expect their children to honor them."

To take a step back, neither my husband nor I would disrespect our parents or each other's parents. However, one reaches a point where a mutual respect from one's parents is expected. Is it okay for a parent to speak condescendingly to her adult child? Hardly. This is where we're struggling.

Lin Burress of Telling It Like It Is suggests that the parent-child relationship is temporary and the marriage relationship is permanent. I recently suggested this to a friend but from a different angle - raising a child is your job and you do the very best you can. However, that child will leave to start his own life one day. Your allegiance, therefore, is to your spouse, as it is he that you chose to spend your life with.

The aforementioned blog also suggests that when the parent-child relationship does not take a backseat to the marriage relationship, the marriage is in serious trouble. Additionally, the husband is to "cleave" to his wife - "closeness that there should be no closer relationship than that between the two spouses, not with any former friend or with any parent."

And so it seems that parents should remain worthy of honor, refraining from clinging to their children and disrupting a marriage. That, along with other honorable attributes, are qualities of real Christians and would make bestowing honor on a parent an unquestionable action.

So as far as our story, we will continue to give respect and pray that our parents are easy to honor. The mere act of child rearing is deserving of honor and respect from the begotten, but when the begotten is a grown man with his own family ... well, perhaps the parent needs to extend a mutual respect to him and his wife if she hopes to maintain a healthy parent-child relationship.

Loving My Husband,
Casey


Notes:

• Please see Loving Our Parents by Dr. Gary Chapman of Conversantlife.com, from which the first image above was borrowed.
• For some humor and points this wife appreciates, see What to Do if Your Mom and Your Wife Don't Get Along by Cory H.
• Also from Ms. Burress, see How to Get Along With the In-Laws: Dealing With In-Laws and Extended Family and How to Be a Good Mother-In-Law.
• The second image was borrowed from Mother in Law Advice (a site for MILs).

oh, sappy day

Today is Valentine's Day and I, for one, happen to adore the "cliche" of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Read at my wedding (and millions more, no doubt), it says ...

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." NIV

Let your love shine and give it freely,
Casey

fireproof

After watching this great new movie, I appreciate my husband more than ever. What's disturbing (you'll have to watch the movie), is that a gentleman in church compared himself to Kirk Cameron's character last week. I can only hope he meant Kirk Cameron at the end of the movie and not the beginning.

I feel privledged to have had a great example of love and marriage in my parents. Though they began their journey at the tender ages of 17 and 19, they've made it look pretty easy. They are best friends and God's gift to each other. I do believe that God made a mate for each of us, and I am so blessed to have found mine so early in life.

Now go watch Fireproof!

"wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord" ... explained

CONFESSION: I was not steadfast in my faith and a devout follower of Jesus Christ on my wedding day.

My husband has been the spiritual leader of our home and has walked me in the direction of salvation and instilled in me an appreciation for the life God has planned for us. Being the least devout on our wedding day did not mean that I took our vows lightly or reluctantly. We promised before God, family and friends to love, comfort and keep one another, forsaking all others, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, 'til death do us part. That's heavy. Serious. A promise for the ages. We made it, we meant it, and there's no going back.

CONFESSION: We were married by both our pastors. James' pastor inserted verses of scripture that I was not familiar with (nor was my mother or apparently some other women in the congregation, as we were all pretty upset by it after the fact). Pastor quoted, "Wives, submit to your own husband, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body." (Eph. 5:22-23) Hold up. Excuse me, but did he say, submit?

Today it was better explained to me that this piece of scripture is perhaps more directed to the husband than to the wife, if you read it along with a few verses that follow.

"Wives, submit to your own husband, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church." Ephesians 5:22-29

The definition provided in today's sermon was that if a husband nurtures his marriage in a Christ-like manor (respects and loves unconditionally, protects physically, emotionally and spiritually, provides for, and is willing to die for his wife), then the wife will return the respect and be willing to follow his lead without hesitation. That makes perfect sense and I'm happy to say that my marriage is a prime example. What a glorious day to be a follower of Jesus Christ!

In summary, "wives, submit to your husbands" does not mean that a man is allowed to smack around his wife and demand that she fix his dinner, etc. That man should be the example and possess the Christ-like traits mentioned above. Only then will he be worthy of being submitted to. No woman should be forced to submit by way of threat or fear. Marriage is born of love and grows through mutual respect. My married friends and family, take your promises seriously and find your way to enjoying the life God has planned for you.

Blessings,
Casey